Camp Miserable
by Histoire de le Coeur
Summary: What happens when I force the characters of PJO to perform 'Les Miserables' in a theatre in my mind, in front of the other characters who live inside my head, including the real Hugo-Mizzies? Chaos, that's what.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz at all. Not even the slightest bit. :(

Just so you know, this takes place before everyone either dies or gets their life all screwed up during 'The Last Olympian'. But yes, I did cast Rachel.

A/N: Songs from 'Les Miserables' will be in **bold**!!!

* * *

"Okay, half-blood cast of 'Les Miserables', gather round!" I called out. Backstage, the nerves were running high as the minutes to our opening night performance of 'Les Miserables' got shorter. Everyone formed a circle around me as I peeked around the thick red curtains to see the audience. The Vicomte de Chagny was helping Christine to her seat, and introducing himself to Ron Weasley, who's ears were shading into a cherry red at the reality of the beautiful Christine sitting next to him. Yes, all the characters who live in my head were invited to attend. The real Hugo-Mizzies were seated in the front row, in a bit of an awkward tension that would probably remain unbroken until Grantaire's fourth or fifth bottle of absinthe. As it appeared, he was only on his second or third.

Beckendorf approached, and towered over, me. "It's 'Red, the blood of angry men' first, then 'Red, a world about to dawn', right?" He asked, timidly. I pat him casually on the shoulder.

"Don't worry. You'll make a splendid Enjolras." I said, comfortingly. Pointing towards the stiff-shouldered blonde man in the center of the front row, I told Beckendorf, "See the guy in the red vest and 'Down With The French Monarchy!' shirt?" Beckendorf nodded. "That's the real Enjolras."

"Ah." He nodded, sounding not really interested in the godlike creature before him, and began shushing people to be quiet for my Director's Speech.

"Alright, everyone! You've all worked extremely hard on this magnificent play. I know you'll all do it justice. And just a bit more of advice," A sigh sounded from the group, as a result of my incessant advice-giving at rehearsals. "To love another person is to see the face of God!" I sang, trembling an over-dramatic vibrato. More groans echoed from the restless half-bloods.

"C'mon! Let's go!" shouted Nico, straightening his little Gavroche hat.

"Okay, convicts, Valjean, and Javert! Get in your places!" I called. The red curtains curled open and the Nine Muses began to play the overture. The anxious hush that always follows the opening of a curtain enveloped the theatre. My hand-picked ensemble, a mix of Apollo and Demeter kids, tread onto the stage and mimed using pickaxes.

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**Don't look 'em in the eye.**

**Look down, look down**

**You're here until you die.**

**CONVICT #1 (a.k.a. Apollo kid #1): The sun is strong! It's hot as hell below!**

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**There's twenty years to go.**

**CONVICT #2 (a.k.a Demeter kid #1): I've done no wrong! Olympus, hear my prayer!**

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**Olympus doesn't care.**

Yes, we had to change some words around so as to not get blasted into a million pieces.

**CONVICT #3 (a.k.a Apollo kid #2): I know she'll wait. I know that she'll be true! [An Ares kid, playing a gendarme, takes this as an advantage to hit him with the butt of his 'rifle']**

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**They've all forgotten you.**

**CONVICT #4 (a.k.a Demeter kid #2): When I get free, ya won't see me, here for dust!**

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**Don't look 'em in the eye!**

**CONVICT #5 (a.k.a Apollo kid #3): How long, O gods, before you let me die?**

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**You'll always be a slave!**

**Look down, look down**

**You're standing in your grave!**

Hardly daring to breathe, I signaled for Luke to come in. He didn't look very happy about it, playing a law-abiding character, but he walked on with that haughty air of his anyway.

**JAVERT (a.k.a Luke): Now bring me Prisoner 24601. You're time is up and your parole's begun. You know what that means!**

**[Grover, being held by Ares kids, is brought before him]**

**VALJEAN (a.k.a Grover): Yes, it means I'm free!**

**JAVERT: No! It means you get you're yellow ticket of leave. You are a thief!**

**VALJEAN: [indignant] I stole a loaf of bread!**

**JAVERT: You robbed a house!**

**VALJEAN: I broke a window pane. My sister's child was close to death and we were starving-**

**JAVERT: You will starve again! Unless you learn the meaning of the law!**

I bit my lip, in anxiety. I never should have let them watch the Tenth Anniversary Concert. Now Luke's convinced that it's pronounced "lawrrr." Thanks, Philip Quast. Nevertheless, Grover went on. Thankfully his goat noises were hardly noticeable now.

**VALJEAN: I know the meaning of those nineteen years, a slave...of the law!**

**JAVERT: Five years for what you did. The rest because you tried to run. Yes, 24601!**

**VALJEAN: My name is Jean Valjean!**

**Javert: [holding his head high, pompously] And I'm Javert! Do not forget my name, do not forget me, 24601!**

Again, I bit my lip. Luke had picked up another Quast-ism, and it was the tendency to over-emphasize the name Javert. You all know what I'm talking about, how he says it "ZHAVAIR!" Well, maybe he'll be able to hit the low note in 'The Confrontation' then. I crossed my fingers, hopefully.

**ALL: Look down, look down**

**You'll always be a slave**

**Look down, look down**

**You're standing in your grave.**

**Uh uh uh uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh**

**uh uh, uh uh, uh uh uh uh uh uh**

**[Scene changes from galleys to small town of Digne]**

**VALJEAN: Freedom is mine. The earth is still. I feel the wind. I breathe again, and the sky clears. The world is waiting. [Kneels down] Drink from the pool, how clean the taste. Reduced, reused, recycled waste.**

I clamped my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming "Those aren't the lyrics, you hippie!" Before Grover went to the next line, I whispered, "Grover!" Discreetly he looked over his shoulder, quickly enough to see me gesture decapitating him. Luckily he got the point and went on normally. The audience was waiting.

**VALJEAN: Nor forgive them, for what they've done. They are the guilty, everyone. The day begins, and now let's see what this new world will do for me. [He finds work on a farm, and works for about five musical seconds and shows the FARMER his ticket-of-leave]**

**FARMER (a.k.a Demeter kid #3): You'll have to go! I'll pay you off for the day. Collect your bits and pieces there and be on your way! [hands VALJEAN a few coins. VALJEAN counts them]**

**VALJEAN: [angrily] You have given me half what the other men get! This hand full of tin wouldn't buy my sweat! [instead of throwing them on the ground, he unnoticeably pops one in his mouth like a SweeTart]**

I facepalmed myself.

**LABORER (a.k.a Apollo kid #4): You broke the law [he, too, says "lawr"]! It's there for people to see. Why should you get the same as honest men like me?**

**VALJEAN: Now every door is closed to me. Another jail, another key, another chain. For when I come to any town, they check my papers and they fine the mark of Cain. In their eyes, I see their fear. "We do not want you here." [He comes to an inn, and must show the innkeeper his ticket-of-leave]**

**INNKEEPER'S WIFE (a.k.a Demeter kid #4): [obviously lying] My rooms are full, and I've no supper to spare. I'd like to help a stranger. All we want is to be fair.**

**VALJEAN: [desperately] I will pay in advance. I can sleep in a barn. You see how dark it is? I'm not some kind of dog!**

**INNKEEPER (a.k.a Apollo kid #5): You'll leave my house, or feel the weight of my rod! We're law-abiding people here, thanks to the gods. [VALJEAN wanders the streets, desolately]**

Yet another line we had to change around...Wha have we done to this amazing show. From backstage I could see the Mizzies exchanging glances about our new polytheistic lyrics. Oi.

**VALJEAN: And now I know how freedom feels, the jailer always at your heels. It is the law.**

I sighed in relief, that Grover didn't say "lawr." He was actually doing quite well, despite the minor incident at the beginning.

**VALJEAN: This piece of paper in my hand that makes me cursed throughout the land. It is the law. Like a cur, I walk the street, the dirt b-b-b-e-neath their feet. [He looks at paper hungrily]**

"Oh dear..." I murmured. Maybe no one realized...

**BISHOP OF DIGNE (a.k.a Lee Fletcher): [enters and sees VALJEAN] Come in sir, for you are weary, and the night is cold out there. Though our lives are very humble, what we have we have to share. [Helps Valjean inside and seats him at a table] There is wine here to revive you. There is bread to make you strong. There's a bed to rest till morning, rest from pain and rest from wrong. [exits momentarily]**

**VALJEAN: He let me eat my fill, I had the lion's share. This silver in my hand, costs twice what I had earned. In all those nineteen years, a lifetime of despair, and yet he trusted me. The old fool trusted me. He's done his bit of good. I played the grateful serf and thanked him like I should. But when the house was still, I got up in the night. Took the silver [puts silver in bag] took my FLIGHHHHHHT!!! [runs, but is stopped by two gendarmes who bring him back to face the BISHOP]**

**GENDARME #1 (a.k.a Ares kid #2): [pushes VALJEAN onto his knees, and looks like he's enjoying himself doing so] Tell his Reverence your story.**

**GENDARME #2 (a.k.a Ares kid #3) [also enjoying the verbal and physical abuse he's inflicting] Let us see if he's impressed.**

**GENDARME #1: You were lodging here last night.**

**GENDARME #2: You were the honest Bishop's guest. And then out of half-blood goodness when he learned about you plight...**

I prayed with all my might, that the "half-blood goodness" would go over well. The Mizzies still looked confused. Then again, we were in a theatre that was in my head, so they should be confused. They were my newest guests. Everyone else, like Harry Potter and the Phantom, had been here. Ah, memories...

**GENDARME #1: You maintain he made a present of this silver-- [BISHOP intervenes]**

**BISHOP: That is right. [to VALJEAN] But my friend you left so early, surely something slipped you mind. You forgot I gave these also [hands VALJEAN two silver candlesticks]. Would you leave the best behind? [to GENSDARMES] So messieurs you may release him for this man has spoken true. I commend you for your duties and the gods' blessing go with you [turns back to VALJEAN, helping him off the ground]. And remember this my brother, see in this some higher plan. You must use this precious silver to become an honest man. By the witness of the martyrs, by the passion and the blood, They have raised you out of darkness. I have bought your soul for Them. [exits, leaving VALJEAN alone in center stage]**

I smiled from my vantage point in the wings, when the audience burst into applause. They liked it! Grover's solo was next...

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**RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!! Whoever reviews first gets a cookie....and Luke!**


	2. Underwood's Soliloquy, What Has He Done?

Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz at all. Not even the slightest bit. :(

A/N: Songs from 'Les Miserables' will be in **bold**!!!

The current (main) cast at the moment (for all you know at this point) is:

Grover Underwood as Jean Valjean

Luke Castellan as Javert

Enjoy!! :D

* * *

Calming myself, like my dear friend, Dr. Alexandre Manette, always told me to, I mentally prepared myself for Grover's solo. This was the song that would determine if my guests stayed, or glared at the greasers one last time and took off. It might not be one of the songs they'd remember when they returned to their respective time periods, like 'I Dreamed a Dream', but it certainly leaves you wanting more.

The curtains closed behind Grover, and stage hands began setting up for "At The End of the Day." Alone, almost at the very edge of the stage, Grover began to sing.

**VALJEAN: What have I done?**

**O Hades, what have I done?**

**Become a theif in the night,**

**Become a goat on the run...**

I rolled my eyes. Why was it so hard for him to just say "Become a DOG on the run..." Satyr pride. Hmph.

**Have I fallen so far,**

**And is the hour so late,**

**That nothing remains **

**But the cry of my hate!**

**The cries in the dark**

**That nobody hears...**

**Here where I stand,**

**At the turning of the years.**

**If there's another way to go**

**I missed it nineteen long years ago**

_Damn it, Underwood!_I shouted in my head. Or was it really me? Maybe it was just Perry back from his vacation. There was no one in the theatre who could penetrate my mind...or dared to at least. But anyway....I had been following the song by bobbing my head, but then Grover said "Nineteen long years ago." Sure it had the same syllables as "Twenty long years ago" and I was a devout Mizzy, strict to the rules of canon, but along with all the problems that had occured within the first eleven minutes of the performance, THOSE WERE NOT THE LYRICS!!! I should never have given them that lecture on how differently the musical portrays the Book; that Jean Valjean was on the chain for nineteen years not twenty. Apparently, M. Underwood had taken it all to heart, and disregarded Boublil & Schonbergs' work. However good a trait that would be, it was not good in the theatrical sense. Therefore, _Damn it, Underwood!_

**My life was war that could never be won**

**They gave me a number [opens up top part of bagy convict shirt to reveal the 'branding' of 24601 on his chest]**

**And murdered Valjean**

**Well, they chained me**

**And left me for dead**

**Just for stealing a mouthful of lead! [softens expression]**

"Lead?" I whispered. "Who the...Hades would steal 'a mouthful of _lead'?" _Someone put their hand on my shoulder. I jumped, whipping out the bronze dagger I'd hidden in my belt loops. I would've stabbed if I hadn't recognized the piercing blue eyes. She didn't look herself, with that convincing blonde wig on, which by the way must have slowly been giving her a soul thus killing her more than my dagger ever could.

"Goat instinct." She whispered. "He can't help it. He's never had bread. At least it rhymes." I still fingered my dagger thoughtfully. "Don't" She warned, glaring dangerously, grabbing my arm.

_You couldn't run on stage now anyway._ Perry whispered from the safe confines of the threshold that led to my dark mind.

_Stuff it, Perry. When did you get back from Transylvania anyway?_ An ambiguous clicking of enamel answered. Moving on....

**Yet why did I allow that man**

**To touch my soul and teach me love?**

**He treated me like any other.**

**He gave me his trust.**

**He called me brother.**

**My life he claims for gods above.**

Will the polytheism ever end?! Valjean looks like he might act the way he did after Fantine's Death in the 1998 movie.

**Can such things be?**

**For I had come to hate the world,**

**This world that always hated me.**

_Oh, please please please, let him hit the next few bars._ I crossed my fingers. I think I even saw Thalia cross hers as well.

**Take an eye for an eye!**

**Turn your heart into stone!**

**This is all I have lived for;**

**This is all I have known!**

"Yes!" We whispered simultaneously, triumphant. The Hunter and I high-fived. I saw her illicitly black-painted fingernails.

"I thought I told you to wash that off!" I hissed. Before she could protest, I told her, "Unless you paint the other fingers red, go wash it off before the your big scene!" She turned around to leave, but I believe I heard her whisper,

"Oh, I'll wash them alright."

_Help me....._

**One word from him and I'd be baaaaaaahhhhck**

I must've given my cast the impression that I was as violent as 'Parnasse and Erik combined, because while Grover was in the middle of his 'baaaaaaa', Epo-beth grabbed my shoulders and said "No, you don't!"

"I didn't even start forward!" I whispered defensively in shock.

"Oh...." Anna-nine said, crestfallen.

_Pssssh people._ I thought.

_That's why you have me! _Perry cried, feeling very self-important. I nodded.

**Beneath the lash, upon the rack.**

**Instead he offers me my freedom.**

**I feel my shame inside me like a knife [mimes being stabbed in the heart]**

_Oh, Grover. I know you're a vegetarian, but you are such a ham._ I giggled softly at my own play-on words.

**He told me that I have a soul.**

**How does he know**

**what spirit comes to move my life?**

**Is there another way to go?**

**I am reaching [reaches upward, falls down on knees]**

**But I fall.**

**And the night is closing in,**

**As I stare into the void,**

**To the whirlpool of my sin**

I rolled my eyes at his reluctance to say the word "sin". Come on, the gods were loving this! Apollo was eyeing the stage like...oops! Sorry, he was looking at the Muses, who were very much into playing the music. But still, even Athena was showing some kind of emotion on her face besides disdain. Sometimes I honestly think that if Enjy's nickname wasn't Apollo, he was a definite son of Athena.

**I'll escape now from the world,**

**From the world of Jean Valjean [stands]**

**Jean Valjean is nothing now!**

**Another story must begin! [rips up yellow ticket-of-leave and runs off stage]**

"How'd I do?" Grover immediately asked, once he'd made it to the wings. The thunder of applause drowned out what I would've yelled, if the Aphrodite kids on our Costume & Makeup staff hadn't grabbed him away from me.

I clapped my hands, while the applause was still going. "Alright! Workers, Foreman, Fantine! Go, go go!" I felt like an army commander. "Whores and Sailors get ready!"

With that, that twinkling music that starts this song and about three others began to play.

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**Please review! I know I made like a three minute song over 1,000 words but....just wait til next chapter...boy have I got ideas!**


	3. Cast List

Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz at all. Not even the slightest bit. :(

I'm just going to take a chapter out to get the cast squared away before we really get into the story. This is exactly how it appeared in the actual playbill which was received by all of my "guests". All of the kids here are actual PJO characters no matter how obsolete. I was desperate. (In order of appearance *cough* importance *cough*)

**Jean Valjean** - Grover Underwood, Satyr

**Javert** - Luke Castellan, Son of Hermes

**Fantine** - Thalia Grace, Daughter of Zeus

**Young Cosette** - Bianca di Angelo, Daughter of Hades

**Madame Thenardier** - Clarisse la Rue, Daughter of Ares

**Young Eponine** - Silena Beauregard, Daughter of Aphrodite

**Thenardier** - Travis Stoll, Son of Hermes

**Gavroche** - Nico di Angelo, Son of Hades

**Enjolras** - Charles Beckendorf, Son of Hephaestus

**Marius** - Percy Jackson, Son of Poseidon

**Eponine** - Annabeth Chase, Daughter of Athena

**Grantaire** - Connor Stoll, Son of Hermes

**Cosette** - Rachel E. Dare, Mortal

**Bishop** - Lee Fletcher, Son of Apollo

**Foreman** - Tyson, Son of Poseidon, Cyclops

**Factory Girl** - Juniper, Wood Nymph

**Bamatabois** - Chris Rodriguez, Son of Hermes

**Combeferre** - Jake Mason, Son of Hephaestus

**Prouvaire** - Malcolm, Son of Athena

**Feuilly** - Castor, Son of Dionysus

**Courfeyrac** - Pollux, Son of Dionysus

**Lesgle -** Micheal Yew, Son of Apollo

**Joly - **Ethan Nakamura, Son of Nemesis

**Ensemble - **Everyone else in Camp


	4. At the End of My Career

Disclaimer: I don't own Les Miz at all. Not even the slightest bit. :(

* * *

Grover had three minutes. Little did I know, that 'At the End of the Day' would turn out more like 'At the End of my Career'.

Almost immediately after Grover had disappeared backstage, the sparkly intro to 'At the End of the Day', that would start another three songs to follow, began to sound. Gods, this play is repetitive, no?

**WORKERS: At the end of the day,**

**You're another day older**

**And that's all you can say for the life of the poor**

**It's a struggle, it's a war**

**And there's nothing that anyone's giving**

**One more day standing about**

**What is it for?**

**One day less to be living!**

So things were going smoothly...until I saw my Fantine, Thalia Grace. Apparently, she hadn't cleaned her fingernails like I'd instructed. Her sarcastic backtalk should've led me to a premature conclusion but nothing this dramatic could have been thus foreseen. Enjolras's sexuality is more definite than knowing what Thalia's revenge would be. And here it was.

Instead of the 19th century working-girl dress and shawl she was supposed to be wearing, she had kept on the long pale blue skirt, but had replaced the bodice with a M***** F***ing (I apologize for my choice of words but nothing could be more accurate as to what I felt then) black mesh complete with hand grenade GREEN DAY SHIRT!

**WORKERS: At the end of the day,**

**You're another day colder**

**And the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill**

**And the righteous hurry past**

**They don't hear the little ones crying**

**And the winter is coming on fast**

**Ready to kill**

**One day nearer to dying.**

Now don't get me wrong. I love Green Day with all my heart. In fact, if I didn't have Les Miz, Green Day would be my source of life. Therefore, Les Miz comes first, and I did what I had to in order to protect it from degradation. And did what I had to, I did.

**WORKERS: At the end of the day,**

**There's another day dawning**

**And the sun in morning is going to rise**

**Like the waves crash on the sand**

**Like a storm that'll break any second**

**There's a hunger in the land**

**There's a reckon that's still to be reckoned**

**And there's gonna be Had's **_(shortening of Hades)_** to pay**

**At the end of the day.**

By the end of that verse, many of the audience members were looking shiftily at one another, though I swear on they Styx I think I saw Razumikhin smile at Thalia's "nonconformity".

By the end of that verse, I had easily acquired an XL bodice to easily slide over Thalia's head without to much a fuss and had convinced Juniper to give me her dress and let me play bitchy Factory Girl. Something about "preferring Little Shop of Horrors". I was now entered into the hot lights of the stage and refusing to sing, I had no problem glaring at Thalia like I was supposed to. And I'm glad I had trained Tyson so well to be a perfect Foreman, so I didn't have to worry about him and could focus on my plan to put Thalia back in the 19th century.

**FOREMAN (Tyson): At the end of the day**

**You get nothing for nothing**

**Sitting flat on your butt doesn't buy any bread**

I'm not sure if it was really Tyson or just Perry playing a trick on me but I could swear someone in close proximity to me whisper "...or peanut butter."

**WORKER: There are children back at home**

**And the children have got to be fed**

**And you're lucky to be in a job**

**And in a bed**

**And we're counting our blessings**

I went over to where Thalia was standing, stood behind her while she was "sewing" but still fully broadcasting her shirt, and whispered "I will get you." Luckily before she turned around to zap me with static most likely, Tyson knocked me out of the way so that he could be true to the role of the horny Foreman.

**WOMAN: Have you seen how the Foreman's fuming today?**

**With his terrible breath and his wandering hands?**

**WOMAN: It's because little Fantine won't give him his way!**

**Take a look at his trousers you'll see where he stands. [FOREMAN is feeling FANTINE'S shoulders]**

_Oh thank gods Tyson is smart enough not to go lower. Artemis would carve our entrails out of very peculiar places._ I thought, even from where I had been shoved off to.

**WOMAN: And the boss he never knows,**

**That the foreman is always in heat**

**WOMAN: IF Fantine doesn't look out**

**Watch how she goes!**

**She'll be out on the street!**

Thalia began to walk alway from Tyson wrathfully, and unfolded a crumpled piece of paper hidden inside...oh right! NOT her bodice, her GREEN DAY SHIRT!

"At the end of your career, your paycheck is waning..." Perry sang.

"Shut up, Perry...You know very well I don't get paid to do this."

**WORKERS: At the end of the day,**

**It's another day over**

**With enough in your pockets to last for a week [Some of the male WORKERS turn their pockets inside out]**

**Pay the landlors, pay the shop,**

**Keep on grafting as long as you're able**

**Keep on grafting til you drop**

**Or it's back to the crumbs off the table**

**And you've got to pay your way**

**At the end of the day!**

This was the moment.

"Wrong musical." Perry whispered. Anyway...

This was where I would make my move. This was my part.

**ME AS BITCHY FACTORY GIRL: And what have we here little innocent sister?**

**Come on Fantine let's have all the news! [I grabbed the crumpled paper out of Thalia's hands]**

**'Dear Fantine, you must send us more money**

**Your child needs a doctor**

**There's no time to lose!'**

**THALIA AS FANTINE: Give that letter to me it is none of your business, [she makes an unsuccessful grab for the letter]**

**With a husband at home and a bit on the side**

**Is there anyone here who can swear before God,**

**she has nothing to fear, she has nothing to hide?**

My move consisted of this. This was the fight scene, correct? So, I pushed Thalia into the exact wing I saw Grover was preparing in. The other factory workers just looked back at the wing and chanted "Fight!" I usually made them abstain from that, because it was most uncanon, but by the third song my attempt to culture these barbarians had turned into a free-for-all!

"Grab her Grover!" I whispered. Grover followed me blindly, blushing as he wrapped his arms around Thalia's stomach. The extra bodice in my hand, almost forgotten about, proved useful now. I shoved it over the punkette's head until it reached Grover's arms. He retreated and with a little struggle, we put out the hand grenade. Thalia was looking at me, disgusted.

"You call yourself a Mizzy? Putting out a revolution!" She whispered. I won't lie, it struck a nerve it did. But she was getting her revolutions mixed up. Her's was not a sublime barricade red-flag-waving revolution; her's stained Fantine's memory and a true Mizzy would never stand by and let that happen. I let her have her moment of superiority for now...

In that split second, Grover was back in character and had us both by our collars for the big punishment on stage.

**GROVER AS VALJEAN: Will someone tear these two apart?**

**What is this fighting all about?**

**This is a factory, not a circus**

**Now come on ladies, settle down [he set us down, and straightened his cravat]**

**I run a business of repute**

**I am the mayor of this town [he straightened his top hat]**

**I look to you to sort this out [he pointed to Tyson who looked very pleased with himself for being appointed judge]**

**And be as patient as you can-**

**TYSON AS FOREMAN: Now someone say how this began!**

**ME: At the end of the day**

**She's the one who began it**

**There's a kid that she's hiding in some little town [WORKERS gasp]**

**There's a man she has to pay**

**You can guess how she picks up the extra**

**You bet she earning her keep sleeping around**

**And the boss wouldn't like it**

I will admit actually playing a part was quite exhilarating. Maybe I'd get back into musical theatre if this show didn't run me out of the business all together. Fantine was looking a bit in shock now. Cosette herself had to be consoled by Marius.

**THALIA: Yes there's a child and the child is my daughter**

**And her father abandoned us leaving us flat [she looks around, desperately imploring the other workers for pity]**

**Now she lives with an innkeeper man and his wife **

**And I pay for the child **

**What's the matter with that?**

**WORKERS: At the end of the day**

**She'll be nothing but trouble**

**And there's trouble for all when there's trouble for one**

**While we're earning our daily bread**

**She's the one with her hands in the butter**

**You must send the slut away **

**Or we're all gonna end in the gutter**

**And it's us who have to pay**

**At the end of the day**

I think Artemis got up and left to plan a curse on us at the word 'slut'. Wait until the next verse.

**TYSON: I might've known the bitch could bite**

**I might've known the cat had claws**

**I might've guessed you're little secret [begins walking as suavely as a Cyclops can walk around Thalia]**

**Ah yes the virtuous Fantine**

**Who keeps herself so pure and clean**

**You'd be the cause I have no doubt**

**Of any trouble here about**

**You play virgin in the light**

**But need no urgin' in the night!**

**ME: She's been laughing at you while she's having her men!**

All I could picture was Artemis' PO-ed face when I sang that.

**WORKERS: She'll be nothing but trouble again and again**

**ME: You must sack her today**

**WORKERS: SAck the girl today!**

**TYSON: Right my girl, on your way [he holds out his hand for Fantine's apron, she hands it back to him, utterly degraded]**

When the curtains closed and the ensemble and I walked off I congratulated everyone on a job well done. Some of them had to change quickly for either Lovely Ladies or the little scene I had planned for I Dreamed A Dream.

"Nice job." Perry said.

"Thanks."

"Do you trust her for this upcoming number?"

"Sure, why not?"

* * *

Review s'il vous plait!


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